Confused about where to start?

Let me simplify it for you. 

1) Figure out what your goals are.

• To feel more connected?
• To feel heard and understood?
• To address a challenging or traumatic experience?
• To make an important decision?

2) Figure out what approach you want to use. 

Though there are three main and well established Couples Therapy approaches (Imago Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman method), let's focus today on Imago Therapy. 

Imago Relationship Therapy is a form of relationship and couples therapy that focuses on transforming conflict into healing and growth through relational connection. Couples talk to each other using a dialogue taught to them by the trained therapist so that they can express themselves to a partner who will listen and empathize as well as participate in a manner that helps to correct past hurts rooted in childhood or other relational experiences. 

Here are some key concepts of Imago Therapy:

• We all have an unconscious image of familiar love formed in childhood based on our caregivers. 
• We are drawn to romantic partners who have the ability to reflect both the nurturing and wounding aspects of our experience as children and teens. Our unconscious hopes to complete the unfinished business from the past. (For example: the distant / avoidant attachment figure will learn to be warm and nurturing or the critical partner will give compliments rather than critiques)
• Conflict is seen as a natural and necessary part of the healing and growth process (rather than a sign of incompatibility). 
• Through the Imago Dialogue, couples practice mirroring, validating and showing empathy.
• Each session usually ends in practical steps towards positive change through S.M.A.R.T requests. 

3) Figure out if you can afford it.

Can you afford him or her? Fees for therapy have gone up a lot recently. More is not always better. Ask about the therapist's fee and if they accept insurance. There are limitations to using insurance since it needs to be “medically necessary” which is not always evident for couples therapy. Your therapist should be able to explain the ins and outs of using insurance to pay for couples therapy. 

4) Give it a try.

Ask if the therapist is willing to meet over Zoom for 10-15 min so that you can get a feel for their approach and how you feel when you talk to them. Come prepared with your questions to make the most of the time you have together. 

Ask the therapist if he or she has the experience and confidence to help you with your relationship issue. 

Be willing to try one or two sessions so that you can experience first hand if it is helpful.